


No one ever said it would be so hard

by Gina_DCC



Category: Glee, Glee RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-19
Updated: 2013-11-19
Packaged: 2018-01-02 01:47:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1051104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gina_DCC/pseuds/Gina_DCC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Without really thinking too much about it, Chris deletes the picture he took at Will's birthday, hoping but never really suspecting the night would end the way it finally does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No one ever said it would be so hard

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I had this idea in my head the other day and I had to write it down, couldn't shake it off so ....  
> Written after seeing Chris' instagram a few days ago.  
> Rumours are going around as to why, but I like to think this is somehow how and why he did it. (totally me though)  
> Just a fair warning, even though this does mention both Will and Mia, I am in no way a fan of them.  
> I am and will always be a major CC shipper. (just in case anyone would be wondering)

_ November 2013 _

Hearing the buzzing of his phone Chris startles out of his constant stare at his laptop. For the past half hour or something he's been looking at his screen, not even sure what it is he's looking at. He's not sure why he did it, knowing all too well most of his followers will notice fairly quickly but the last few hours have been nagging him that he just couldn't care less at that moment.

He averts his gaze from his screen and grabs his phone, glancing at the caller id and with a sigh he presses accept.  
“Darren ...” is all Chris says, his voice a bit shakier than should be considered normal.  
“Chris, why did you delete that picture?” Darren just blurts out, completely foregoing his usual greetings whenever he happens to call him.  
“Well, hello to you too.” Chris replies annoyedly, “By the way, are you stalking my instagram or something?”  
“What? No ...” Darren splutters a little, “No I just … Fuck that doesn't even matter okay, why did you do it?” And Chris hates it but he can hear the hope in Darren's hope flaring up and he isn't even sure he can deal with it right now.  
“It doesn't matter why, I just did it and it's not like it means more than it does right now.” Chris bites back cryptically, “God Darren, just … not now okay? I'll talk to you later alright.” he sighs and without even waiting for Darren to respond in any way he closes the call and throws the phone next to him on the couch.

He knows he didn't make any sense, knows he should've just talked to Darren but he can't just now. His mind is still on edge with the conversation he had earlier in the day and he just can't deal with anyone right at this moment, especially not Darren since he knows well enough how things usually work out between them.  


 

_ June 2013 _

  
Things been progressing for the worst ever since he'd let himself talk into showing his supposedly relationship which he never even talks about since there isn't anything to talk about. Well, not with Will at least. He's not even sure why he ever let it get this far, and he has the feeling it's all blowing up in his face right now.  
Back then, he and Darren were pretty much on the rocks, not being able to see each other like they wanted, having to hide from everyone around them and it all just started to shake them both up. It was there actually But it wasn't until that damned interview from Darren where he flat out said he had a girlfriend, although he didn't really call her by her name, that with Chris it got too much to handle for then. Right after he heard the audio he called Darren, not really giving him time to say anything while he blew up over the phone. The one thing they agreed on early on is that neither of them would just say that they actually were dating their supposed partners, holding hands with anyone, going out together was all okay but not really confirming it by word. He's always tried to keep private about it and not mention anything that could be too obvious for either one of them. And then hearing Darren break that promise to him was the drop that did it. He couldn't seem to stop shouting at the guy, never giving him the chance to explain and right before he disconnected the call, ended it all. He couldn't deal with it anymore, throwing his phone across the room, immediately regretting it as he heard and saw the screen cracking. He was already unnerved from the earlier events and he was at his breaking point.  
  
He didn't plan anything upfront, they were just supposed to go for a nice walk through Paris, trying to see as much as possible while they're still here. And it all started perfectly, talking and laughing with both Alla and Will, Chris trying not to seem to obvious by taking a distance but still doing so even if it was at a minimum. It wasn't until Alla called him over when they were walking along the Seine that he knew something was up. He should've known, he should've realized when she had been talking on the phone for quite a while already that something was about to happen but didn't make the link until he heard it himself later on.  
“Look, Chris,” she started, “You're not going to like me saying this but there are camera's pointed at you, which you are aware of right? Well, just go with whatever is going to happen okay? I won't push things on you, I've just been told myself but just don't freak out when Will grabs your hand and doesn't let go allright.”  
“What? Why?” Chris asks, looking at her confused, “I thought this was just a walk, not a coming out with my supposedly boyfriend, which he isn't if I need to remind you!” He's already getting annoyed but also well aware that this isn't her idea either. “Fine,” he had mumbled exasperatedly and fell a step back again and sure enough, within a few moments Will had grabbed Chris' hand trying to link their fingers together but Chris just held on the way he was and swinged their hands between them for a little while. It took him a couple of minutes to grow tired with it and with an annoyed glance he pulled his hand back and kept them in his jacket pockets for the rest of the walk. 

The moment they walked back into the hotel, a few hours later, and both Will and Alla went up with him to his room, Chris blew up. Raving about how they both knew well enough that he didn't intend on doing anything like holding hands even though that would've been okay. He kept on blowing off steam until he deflated finally, dropping on his bed and his hands in his hair, appologizing to Will cause it wasn't like they weren't friends or anything, just not that. And that's when they let them listen to Darren's interview.

  

_ Fast forward to august … _

The beginning of filming was nerve wracking for Chris, hardly been in contact with Darren after their break up even though Darren tried enough to talk about it. He remembers watching the videos of his show that night in June, his voice a little rougher than usual, so much more emotions behind his usual cheery sound and the performance that broke Chris' heart in two completely, their Teenage Dream. 

Since then Darren must've tried to contact him a hundred times, going from a few times daily to once in a few days until they had to meet up again, getting their scripts and storylines for the next season. It didn't help that he practically wanted to throw himself into Darren's arms after the news of what happened with Cory. But they're a month further now, and he's able to hold himself in, barely but he manages. The fact that they're in public is making it easier not to, but the feeling doesn't dissapear anyway. In the end it's a quick in and out meeting, everyone happy and excited to start filming again and before they all go back out of the studio they set a date to go out before the hectic times start again.  
Except for a quick and almost awkward feeling hello and goodbye, hardly anything has been said then at the studio between both him and Darren. Always somebody coming inbetween when it seemed they girated back to each other or otherwise Chris actively trying to avoid spending any time alone with him.

And then filming starts again, they're back at the schoolgrounds and it almost feels like it was before. Starting off with a bit of a rocky start they gradually begin talking again more and more. It was Darren who initiated it once more, pulling Chris aside at the first day they were on set and with a slight tremble to his voice telling him that they can't let whatever happened between them mess up with their work. It's that moment that Chris already knows that things have got to change again, he's done what people wanted, he's been trying the dating thing with Will, but anything further than holding his hand and watch movies and having dinners at either one of their homes, hasn't happened yet. At it hasn't been anything Chris had actively tried to achieve either, though he knows the other guy would be more than willing to if he'd just say the word.

The filming of their kiss on the table in the middle of the courtyard after singing 'Got to get you into my life' is the real turning point in his own feelings. Not that he really lets anyone know, least of all Darren cause honestly, he seemed to be doing rather good now with his outings with Mia.  
The kiss itself seemed honest enough at first, but then Darren had to kiss him even though they told them it wouldn't be necessary since they were only doing wide shots and the kiss wouldn't be in one of them. He could feel Darren grab onto his side a little bit tighter than before, tilting his head just that tad more like he himself usually does and not like Blaine. Chris lets the kiss happen, his heart thudding rapidely in his chest and his own hand tightening on Darren's biceps.

It's since then that he's let himself looser again on set while he has to film with Darren, falling back into a comfortable pace between the both of them and the happenings of the passed summer slowly dissipating. Eventually they talked about it, be it reluctantly from Chris' part, remembering the way he felt all too clearly. But they did and gotten through it, right then their feeling of ease with each other back to not quite like before but getting there anyway. 

It's been a dreaded few weeks, everybody high on the rush off work again but this episode all in the back of everyone's mind. Chris has little scenes with Darren and even his scene alone with Mike and Romy goes rather well, the tears and sobs real though he's able to get through it somehow. When he gets home, drained from the day of filming Will is there and tries to take his mind of things, preparing or ordering a meal he knows Chris likes or already setting the dvd player on his favorite movies but there's nothing really that makes him smile until he gets a text from Darren when he just crawled into his bed. He's completely covered by his comforter, his heart warming and beating faster as he reads the text. It's just a simple, _**“Are you alright C? Wish I could've been there when you were filming. Call me if you need anything. x D”**_ He falls asleep that night with a hint of a smile on his face, but without replying to it.

When the last day of filming comes, it's the one he's trying to hold strong for. The previous days when one of his friends sang their songs for Cory or Finn, he could handle it, but knowing Lea is the one filming today makes his heart clench and his stomach tighten at the thought alone.  
So as they're sitting on the set in the classroom and Lea starts to sing he can't do anything else than grab onto Darren's hand, entwining their fingers together, knowing it'll be seen as something between Kurt and Blaine. Lea's halfway through the song, tears spilling from her eyes and her voice oh so fragile and he dares to look at his and Darren's entwined fingers before turning up his gaze. Darren is looking back at him, a heartbroken expression on his face and tears in his eyes. And that's when his own tears start threatening to spill a bit more as Darren tightens the hold on his fingers. 

As soon as the song ended and the crew called the scene, Chris had stormed out of the set, not really caring about the looks he might have gotten from his costars and friends but only wanting to get out, away from everything for now. He'd ran to his trailer, as soon as he'd been through the door sagging against the wall right opposite the door as the tears rushed over his cheeks. He didn't even hear Darren come in, didn't know he'd followed him and it must've been close behind him, until he suddenly felt two strong hands cradling his face, mumbling “Oh baby, come here.” and lips on his. Without really thinking about it, he kissed him back, his hands flying up into Darren's gelled hair, not caring about the stickyness of it and their lips frantically working against each other. He can't even say how long they stayed like that, kissing until Darren was all but sitting in his lap, their tears mixing while they did as his hands were holding on to him like anchors around his shoulders and waist. After a little while Chris sagged against Darren, his fist crinkling the Blaine shirt he was wearing and sobbing uncontrollably. All the time though, Darren held on to him, whispering to him, repeating the same thing over and over again. 

When a knock came to his door, calling for both of them back on set in five minutes, Chris startled a little looking up at Darren through his blurred vision. Darren though, didn't say anything, he just looked at him and after a few beats leaned back in, kissing him softly and he couldn't stop thinking how good and right it felt. He needed a moment to let it all sink it what was happening right now and when it finally did, he backed out of the kiss, scrambling back as far as he could and shook his head. “You know I can't Darren, I just can't … not now.” he started mumbling, his heart sinking at the crestfallen look on Darren's face. At that moment, it seemed to dawn on him what he was exactly doing and looked around a bit sheepishly, appologizing but also looking like he didn't actually mean it to the fullest. “This never changed for me, and neither did it for you.” Darren simply stated, “I know you, and don't tell me you are dating him cause I can see right through you. He may be looking at you like a puppy in love but I've never seen you looking at him like you used to and still look at me. I'm sorry for what happened but I still fucking love you, and I know you do too.” Chris had never really seen Darren look so hopefull and exasperated at the same time as then and he barely had a chance to reply anything cause Darren got up hurriedly, immediately stepping outside and letting the door close with a not so loud bang behind him.

 

_ November 2013 again _

Thinking back on everything Chris should've known things wouldn't go the way he eventually started believing would go. He tried, he really did, but ever since Darren kissed him on set that day they simply couldn't go back the way it was. Filming together was barely an issue and they didn't run into each other that much on set on purpose but in stolen moments they found theirselves sneaking around a corner, lips colliding frantically for the time it could last and hands roaming not always all that carefully over each other, until usually Chris backed away mumbling they couldn't do this, that he was supposed to be in a relationship even if it was only still to reign in the backlash of the still lingering rumours of him and Darren being together. He kept trying to deny that whatever was happening with Darren was actually a thing, blaming the familiarity they still had with each other even though in his own mind he knew that was all but the truth.

When halloween was around the corner, he'd happily put his R2D2 costume together only to feel less excited about it when he realized people were expecting to see him and Will together. He has tried to keep the pictures of the two of them to a minimum, feeling only slightly better that there wasn't really much for anyone to really base the fact that they were supposedly dating on. But without even realizing it himself things were slowly but surely invading more and more of his personal stuff. The pictures he found himself posting on his instagram with snippets of Will close to Brian, though hardly ever acknowledging it was him, it started to get more and more on his own nerves. Thankfull that when the party on Halloween arrived, Ashley joined them as she did every year, made the day slightly better. He couldn't stop people asking them for a picture together though, so he obliged, his smile as genuine as he was able to but clearly not really with his heart in it. The comments on their pictures together were slightly nauseating in his eyes, people gushing over them about how cute they were as a couple and all he could think of was how people who claim to know him can't even see how much he hates being put in this position.

At times he feels like he's selling out, even though he can't just come out with the relationship he once had with Darren, this is actually feeling so much worse. Little things that were clearly refferals to Darren made their way into everything he did, knowing all too well that a lot of people would notice them. But when he saw the pictures of Darren a few days later, together with Mia, he promised himself he had to do something, anything to try to bring back what was cause nothing ever felt more right than it did back then. 

That's why this afternoon he found himself talking to Will, fessing up to what he was thinking, hating to do it on one hand but knowing that for his own frame of mind it had to be done. What he didn't think was that he would actually get such a reaction, expecting to be able to get to a quiet agreement since it wasn't like he wouldn't be friends with the guy anymore cause even though a lot of people didn't understand it, they did get along pretty well. The reaction he got though was one on the opposite side, Will lashing out on him for leading him on and trying to keep taking advantage from both sides. He couldn't really believe that was what he was getting, he told him time and again that he was trying, but he never really got there. They ended with Will throwing his hands in the air exasperatedly and storming out of Chris' house, leaving Chris there with tears in his eyes though a slight flood of relief crashing through him also. He'd wanted to call Darren, needed to talk to him so badly but couldn't really get the courage to do so at this moment. So he just stayed on his couch for the afternoon well into the evening, watching mindnumbing tv-shows until he takes his laptop, going through his mail without really seeing it. When he eventually gotten on his instagram account he rushed over his pictures, small tokens of the lies almost slapping him in the face and he just stopped at the picture of Will's birthday a couple of days earlier, shaking his head slightly and without even really thinking about it deleted it. As soon as he did it, he closed his computer quickly not wanting to regret it or do anything more at this moment. A shaky sigh left his lips as he went to get a drink from the kitchen, feeling his stomach fluttering at the thoughts of Darren suddenly running through his mind and dropped himself back on the couch. After a little while he opened his laptop again, immediately going back to his account and stared at the pictures in front of him, his mind clouded with thoughts of what if and should he until he got startled by his phone.

And now he's sitting here, cursing himself for the way he acted towards Darren nearly half an hour earlier, not even sure why he snapped at him like that when in the end all he wanted was for them to work things out, and not the way they usually end up.

When the bell goes, Chris looks at the clock in confusion, noticing the time and glances at his hallway, trying to decide what to do. If it's Will again he's pretty likely to slam the door in his face right at this moment but on the other hand he doesn't think he's likely to come over, at least not tonight. The doorbell rings again and he jumps up, hoping there isn't anything serious as he hurries to the front door. He opens it and his breath hitches when he sees Darren standing there, one hand leaning against the doorframe, the other paused midway in front of him, ready to start knocking at the door.  
“Darren?” Chris breathes out, “What are you doing here?”  
“Just tell me this doesn't mean what I think it means, that's all I need to hear from you Chris, please?” Darren asks, voice shaky and looking up at Chris hesitantly, looking like he's debating on just turning around and run away or step forward and do something stupid, like kiss Chris.

Chris doesn't respond immediately though, too stunned to see Darren standing on his doorstep right now and he just stays staring at him for another few moments, while his heart is practically beating out of his chest.  
“Chris, come on, just tell me. Either way, I promise it won't change anything if it doesn't have to.” Darren adds a bit more softer, stepping closer towards Chris.  
Unconsciously Chris takes a step backwards, immediately noticing the way Darren's face falls and he's sure the guy's about to retreat and go away again when he finds his voice again, almost whispering, “No, stay …” Chris pauses as he reaches out, laying a hand on Darren's forearm, “I just … come in, okay?”  
For a long moment Darren seems to contemplate it, his eyes flickering nervously from Chris to somewhere behind him as he asks, “Are you sure?”  
“Yes, I'm sure,” Chris replies softly stepping aside to let Darren pass. He does, and Chris closes the door behind him, leading him to the living room. Darren's hasn't been in his new place yet, the last few weeks being too confusing and busy to really do anything else then what had happened on set and he can see him looking around curiously before turning around and settling his gaze back on Chris.

“You, euhm … you want anything to drink?” He knows how stupid it sounds, overly polite, and he can't just meet Darren's eyes yet, not sure what else he's gonna say. 

Darren sighs loudly as he shakes his head, “No, thank you … I just want to know what's going on? One minute you're the seemingly happy couple, posting pics from his birthday nonetheless on your instagram and now I find you just deleted it? Why? I know this has something to do with us, don't even try to deny it Chris. I just want to hear it from you if I'm stupid to get my hopes up after we've been sneaking around on set like two teenagers.” Without Chris even realizing it, Darren has gradually stepped closer and closer again, now standing right in front of him and barely inches apart.

“Why does one deleted picture matter that much?” Chris asks quietly, the question sounding stupid to his own ears.  
“I know you,” Darren says instantly, his eyes fixed on Chris' now who's just staring back at him, “You don't do anything like that without there being something behind it.”  
After a second pause Chris shakes his head, barely visible and a small smile starts to play on his lips, “I guess you really do know me.” He sighs, his gaze dropping to the almost non-existent space between them and continues when Darren doesn't say anything else and just looks at him expectantly. “I'm sorry for before. I didn't mean to snap at you like that, it's just … After the argument I had today with Will I was so on edge and it just got too much for a moment.” Chris looks back up at Darren now, willing him to understand him without words needed but he just looks back at Chris, that same hope he heard earlier in Darren's voice more than obvious in his eyes and an expectant look along with it.  
“I just couldn't pretend anymore, not like the way it was going. Can't we go back to where we once were, without all the bullshit surrounding us?” he's almost pleading with Darren, “I just thought that deleting that one picture could be another stepping stone for us to finally be what we want to be and not what others want us to be. I don't care if you need to go into public with her, as long as I know you'll be coming home to me ...” his voice trails off, his lower lips slightly trembling and closing his eyes without even wanting to do it, realizing the heavyness of his statement just now.  
It's when he feels a hand on his cheek, softly carressing his cheekbone and Darren's soft voice saying, “Hey, look at me Chris?” that he opens his eyes again, staring straight into Darren's bright and wide hazel ones and it simply takes his breath away. Before Darren can say anything more he speaks, barely audible but enough for the other to hear him, “I never stopped loving you, not even for a second.” 

“That's all I wanted to hear from you,” Darren replies, a smile fully playing on his lips as he closes the space between them and captures Chris' lips with his own. He lets himself be kissed, melting into Darren's touch as he winds his arms around the other's shoulders. They break the kiss after a short while, both just feeling relief and lean back looking into each other's eyes when Darren says, “Let's get back to the start.”


End file.
